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Unmasking Narcissistic Tactics: My Journey of Recognition and Resilience

Navigating relationships influenced by narcissistic behaviors is a daunting challenge. Through my own experiences, I've come to understand the subtle and overt tactics narcissists use to manipulate and control. This post aims to share my journey and insights, hoping to resonate with those who might be facing similar struggles.



The Overpowering Presence of My Maternal Grandfather

Growing up, my maternal grandfather, Pa, was a dominating figure. Whenever I pushed back against his manipulative tactics, he would throw fits, asserting his dominance. Per multiple siblings, Aunt Suzy, and Pa himself, I was constantly told that I had to deal with it and take whatever "it" was, because I deserved it. This narrative was ingrained in me, making it difficult to recognize the abuse for what it truly was.


Dealing with Milly: The Covert Malignant Narcissist

Milly, my mother-in-law, is a covert malignant narcissist and presented a different challenge altogether. She was more devious, using subtler tactics to manipulate and control. However, through careful observation, I began to notice the subtle tells that gave her away. Her behavior evolved to suit different situations, always aiming to maintain her control.


Over the past couple of years, my wife Julie has also started to observe these behaviors. She has been trying to work on her relationship with her mom (Milly) and dad (Billy), hoping to salvage any meaningful connection. Our only request has been for personal responsibility, but Milly expects others to keep her in line. This belief is something I do not share. As far as I can tell, she’s been engaging in these behaviors her entire life, now well into her 70s. The ripples of her actions have been felt far and wide, affecting numerous relationships and creating lasting impacts.


The Futility of Accountability

In her discussions with her parents, Julie has pointed out the manipulative tactics and their consequences. However, Milly and Billy refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions. They always have excuses for why they shouldn’t change, placing the blame on everyone else. Julie has experienced DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) to the max, making it clear that they are not willing to change.


The "You Weren’t Supposed to See That" Moments

Shadowy Figure

One of the most telling aspects of dealing with a narcissist like Milly is witnessing her "You weren’t supposed to see that" face. Julie has observed this expression multiple times, a clear sign that Milly’s facade has slipped, revealing the manipulation underneath.


Conclusion: Moving Forward with Awareness

Recognizing and understanding the tactics used by narcissists is crucial for breaking free from their control. It's a difficult journey, filled with moments of doubt and pain. However, by observing, documenting, and calling out these behaviors, we take the first steps toward healing and empowerment. Julie’s experience highlights the importance of accountability and the challenges of dealing with those who refuse to accept responsibility.


For anyone facing similar struggles, remember that you are not alone. There is a community that understands and supports you. By sharing our stories and insights, we can help each other navigate the complexities of narcissistic relationships and move towards a healthier, more fulfilling future.

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