By Julie McAlexander
For much of my life, I've lived under a veil of entitlement and comfort, thinking that life’s treasures should come easily without the necessity for hard work. Raised with the belief that things should simply fall into place, I took for granted the growth that comes from embracing challenges. This perspective, I now realize, held me back for years, keeping my personal development stagnant. Now, in my 40s, I see the years filled with missed opportunities and the struggles to begin crafting a life that truly resonates with my desires and values.
This journey hasn't just affected me; it's impacted my children, too. By not setting an example of perseverance and dedication, I inadvertently hindered their personal growth. But now, I understand that taking responsibility and working diligently isn't just a means to an end. It's a source of joy and tranquility, a pathway to a fulfilling life. As I move forward, I am embracing the lessons learned and the beauty that comes with taking the reins of my own journey.
My husband, Alan has also been hurt by this mindset of entitlement. Unlike me, Alan understood the value of hard work and the importance of moving forward to improve our lives. However, my insistence on spending money on frivolous things and my desire for him to prioritize leisure time with me often held him back. I resented when he focused on his projects rather than on me, especially when the kids were young. After tending to the children all day, I felt entitled to his attention during any spare moments we had. This dynamic not only impeded his personal progress but also left us unprepared when he lost his job in January, with nothing to fall back on.
In my journey of growth and self-awareness, I've come to some important realizations that have reshaped my understanding of life and my place within it:
First and foremost, I am 100% responsible for my own choices and actions. This acknowledgment is both liberating and empowering, as it allows me to take charge of my life and decisions, knowing that the path I forge is my own.
I've also learned that I have no control over anyone else. This understanding helps me to respect others' autonomy and releases me from the burden of trying to manage or change them. It enables healthier relationships, founded on mutual respect and acceptance.
Life is unpredictable, and bad things happen all the time. Some are heartbreaking, horrific, and catastrophic. There's no way to stop them all. These events will happen to me, to people I love, to my community, and to everyone. Accepting this reality is a crucial step toward resilience, as it helps me to navigate through challenges with a sense of preparedness and understanding.
Conversely, good things happen all the time too. The world is full of beauty, creativity, life, diversity, curiosity, and love.
I have the power to choose how I respond to both the bad and the good. I can be bitter and angry, or I can forgive and live with an open heart. I can take the good for granted, or I can revel in the small joys I'm afforded every day. This conscious choice in reacting to life's events is a cornerstone of emotional well-being and fulfillment.
The more I learn, the more curious I become. This expanding quest for knowledge is an amazing fuel for growth. Curiosity drives me to explore new ideas and perspectives, fostering an ever-evolving understanding of the world and myself.
I am going to make mistakes. Some, I will make repeatedly, often because the solution is so simple that I'll overlook it at first. Then it will take somewhere between 3 and 300 more attempts and failures before I actually trust that such a simple solution actually exists. This is something I still need to work on, and acknowledging it is key to my ongoing self-improvement.
Self-compassion is an incredible gift. By being kind and forgiving to myself, I can break free from the cycle of self-criticism that drains valuable time, energy, and focus away from pursuing my goals. Embracing self-compassion fosters resilience, allowing me to bounce back from challenges more readily and continue moving forward.
I embrace gratitude fully. I am grateful for my journey, the difficulties I've faced, the people I've encountered, and all the opportunities I've had to learn from these experiences. This gratitude enriches my life, helping me appreciate the growth and wisdom gained along the way.
These realizations are guiding me toward a more intentional and mindful life, where I embrace both the challenges and beauty the world has to offer. As I continue this journey, I aspire to live with authenticity, open-heartedness, and an unwavering commitment to personal growth.